Do you guys have that one friend who never fails to make everyone else happy when times are as fvcked up as ever? Who seems so happy-go-lucky at most times but handles every bad situations with reposed actions? Who never fails to cheer you up when you’re in a bad sitch? Who wouldn’t point out your vulnerabilities and flaws but rather become your instant human wall that moment? I do have many of them, yes. One of them became my bestfriend, everyone’s bestfriend rather. Class clown since frosh year in college and Carla’s source of stinky shoe nebulizer. He goes by the name Kelvin, and his Mom just passed away three days ago. May God bless her soul.

When we heard the sad news, we instantly planned on visiting his mom’s wake, but things happened and we didn’t make it that day, we visited him and his family at the day of his mom’s burial instead. When we were on our way to the church, I was having these mixed emotions about the situation as a whole. Then we got there. As nervous as ever, I stepped inside. A sea of people in black and white, sobbing, met my eyes that moment. We joined our other friends. And then there goes Kelvin, at the front row, smiling as if it wasn’t his mom’s burial, staying strong in front of everyone when everyone else wasn’t. Then his dad gave his simple, yet meaningful message for Tita Chona. He compared her life to a pencil; The characterization of a good pencil isn’t measured by how short or long it is, it isn’t measured by how sharp or dull its lead is, it is also not measured if it has erasers at its mere end, or none at all, but the characteristic of a good pencil is measured by what it writes, and what it wrote instead. And then there I was, crying. Seeing Kelvin smile as his father finishes his speech that moment made every little thing inside of me slowly die. I couldn’t handle seeing him like that, forcing laughters and faking smiles when in reality, he’s not that happy at all. Neither did Carla and Jasmine handled it, we three were crying at the same time. I cannot imagine myself being in Kelvin’s place. I cannot force laughters and fake smiles. I cannot make it seem okay when in reality it’s not friggin’ okay. I am weak, but he’s not, and that made me proud of Kelvin. He stayed and stays strong even after what happened and what happens next. He then became our solace that moment, that all we need to do is to stay strong for everyone else, to be the sigh of relief at the end of the day when all else fails. I put my hands up for you, Argosino.

Before all that, since I was or am still grounded, I asked permission from Daddy. I told him that my friend’s mom passed away and if I could join the rest in visiting him. Daddy approved, and said “Sige, you can go with them. Mahirap kaya mawalan ng Nanay. Nung nawala si Mommy, I didn’t know what to do. Kaya dapat sabihin niyo na ang lahat ng gusto niyong sabihin sa mga mahal niyo habang buhay pa sila, hindi ‘yung patay na sila saka mo sasabihin na mahal mo sila. Hindi dapat ganun.” Hearing that from Daddy himself made me long for him and Mom more than ever. After he said that, all I ever said was, “I love you Daddy, both Mom and you. You guys know that right? Pero kahit alam niyo na, uulit-ulitin ko padin. And I’m sorry po, for everything.” I was on the verge of cyring my heart out that moment because I super miss theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem bigtime, but I didn’t. I told you guys, I am weak. 

I miss Mom and Dad, and no Al-Baik nor Chocolates could ever replace my longing, my homesickness for them. In 8 months, I will get to see their lovely faces again. By then, I will be better. I promise. :)

God Bless you po Tita Chona. You sure raised Argo well. With that, I also put my hands up for you. May you rest in peace po.